Dear Manay Gina,
Our daughter is intelligent but her choice in a boyfriend makes us worry. She has a college degree and has always been a hard worker. Her boyfriend however, while older, just finished school and lacks interest to improve his education & chances of getting a better-paying job. They have been dating for almost a year and they seem to be getting more serious.
I don’t understand my daughter being interested in him for a long-term relationship. How can we express our concerns without her going on the defensive, thus pushing her closer to her boyfriend?
Just give your daughter an unconditional love, and instead of focusing on her boyfriend’s faults as you perceive them, you should consider what about the guy appeals to your daughter. Is he gentle, kind and sweet? Does he treat her well? Is he respectful and helpful? Does he cheer her on? If the answer is “yes” to any of the questions, then you need not confront your daughter about her guy’s deficits.
Now, if you believe he doesn’t treat her well, then do your best to influence her to reconsider the relationship, understanding that she is an adult and therefore gets to have whatever relationships she chooses. Truth be told, while you have a substantial emotional investment in your daughter, you aren’t dating her guy – she is.
“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” – Aldous Huxley
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