Dear Manay Gina,
I am an optimistic person and I don’t display a lot of emotion even if I have problems. My boyfriend however isn’t like me. He is very emotional and gets depressed so easily. I don’t want to break up with him, because he’s a really a nice person. A friend said that I’m just obsessed with being his savior. I think I don’t want to give up on him, or our relationship, because I’m an optimist. Am I acting reasonably? How do I deal with this?
One downside of being an optimist is that optimistic people tend to forget yesterday’s trauma in the belief that everything will turn out well. And in some cases, being an optimist can keep people in bad relationships because they genuinely believe that things will always improve.
Unfortunately, when it comes to people, patterns rule. If your boyfriend will not try his best to change his ways, his dark moods will return and yesterday’s drama will repeat itself over and over again, no matter what your outlook is.
My question is: Can you give him what he needs and can he give you what you need? If not, you will either have to do the healthy choice for you both and break it off. If the answer is yes, then by all means, embrace his moods.
The reality is: You cannot heal him. You don’t have that kind of power. Only he can heal himself with the help of a professional.
“Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life.” – Marilu Henner
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