by Marilyn C. Arayata
FROM a reporter’s interview with the mother of a female domestic violence victim: “Sabi ko sa kaniya noon pa, hiwalayan na. Sabi ko, balang araw iyan pa ang papatay sa iyo”. Not the exact words, but it did happen. The interviewee’s daughter was killed by her live-in partner after years of physical abuse. Can we expect similar stories to have a different ending?
If there is no attempt on the part of a victim to make the perpetrator stop, if there is no attempt to seek legal protection, why will the perpetrator stop?
Somebody attempts to slap you and you don’t even try to dodge it. You do and say nothing to defend yourself. Next time, it will not just be a slap, but perhaps a punch or two, with matching verbal attack. Cowering in silence and enduring all the blows only succeed in attracting more punches and kicks.
The Philippines observes the 18-Day Campaign to End Violence Against Women (Nov. 25 to Dec. 12). While all sectors are enjoined to support the campaign with the Philippine Commission on Women as the lead agency, every woman must vow to empower herself and protect herself from violence.
One of the basic things that every woman ought to know is the meaning of violence against women (VAW). Many people believe that physical abuse and sexual abuse are the only forms of violence against women. Financial abuse is counted, too. This is when a partner withholds financial support and prevents the woman from getting a job. There is also such a thing as psychological abuse, but since it does not leave any visible bruise or scar, it is not easy to spot, especially for those who are blinded by love or the idea that they are loved. (You don’t hurt a loved one intentionally!) According to Vancouver Coastal Health, psychological abuse includes behaviors such as name calling, yelling, insulting a person, threatening a person or threatening to take away something that is important to her, imitating or mocking a person, swearing at her, ignoring, isolating the person, excluding her from meaningful events or activities and excluding her from making decisions when she is capable and wants to be included. It also includes lying to her, ordering her around and making her do degrading things. Experts say that such painful experience may lead to loss of identity, dignity and self-respect. It might convince the victim of the lie that she does not have any choice but to accept the abusive acts. It might even lead to depression.
Let us do concrete and specific things to teach women and girls that any form of violence is unacceptable and that the aggressor must be told to stop. Let us help them become empowered –independent, confident and assertive. Let us help them see that they matter, that they have a choice, and that help is available.
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Marilyn Arayata: inspirational author, columnist, speaker, and former DLSU-D faculty, your partner in preventing bullying, depression, and suicide. E-mail [email protected] Like the Hope Boosters Facebook Page for nuggets of hope and inspiration.