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Give him some clarity

Dear Manay Gina,

Gina De VeneciaMy son will be graduating in college a little later than planned. I can deal with that but my husband is hard on him. He’s always that way. He’s always picking at the small stuff my son does and oftentimes, I think he’s just looking for something to argue about.

I’m very worried that if my husband’s behavior won’t improve, his negative attitude will have bad effects on our son. I already did everything to improve their relationship to no avail. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Nelly

Dear Nelly,

Perhaps your husband doesn’t realize that his “tough love” is doing significant damage. His intentions might be good but oftentimes, tough love, if not handled well, has potentially devastating results especially if he is enforcing it on someone whose greatest need was validation and tenderness.

Instead of nagging his deaf ears, try to find a mediator who can intervene to give him some clarity. He could be a relationship counselor, a religious leader, one of your son’s teachers or a friend who can understand your husband’s and son’s predicaments. Allow that person to shoulder some of the burden you both have been feeling. Also, don’t get tired in reminding your husband that your son needs a supportive environment to make things right.

Affectionately,
Manay Gina

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“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.” ― C. JoyBell C.

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Send questions to manaygina@hotmail.com

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