Dear Manay Gina,
I’m already in my late 30s but I’m still single. I know that I’m partly to blame for this situation because I’m scared of commitment. It’s just that, when the guy starts to get serious, I just drift away. It seems that I am victimized by a distinctive pattern among the women in my family. My mother left my father and my sister left her husband. Actually, I love the idea of getting married and having children. I also have been in love but never enough to make me stay around for a long time. How can I get over this fear of commitment?
Perhaps, you need to integrate the fact that what happened with your mother and sister is not necessarily destined to happen to you. Of course, children can unconsciously repeat their parents’ actions, but then again, many of them deliberately work to avoid the same mistakes, and succeed.
As an opening gambit, try to see each boyfriend as a friend, and not as a potential husband. Get comfortable and see where things go. Because you wish to marry and have children, judge each man by his qualities and how he makes you feel—not by memories of your less than successful family history. You are you. I predict you will find someone wonderful if you just put a lid on your fears and let life happen. Good luck.
“If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?” —Harvey Fierstein
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