Compatibility Issues

Dear Manay Gina,

My husband of three years is not a go-getter, and does not want to better himself in any way. We have a child together but he has also a child from a previous relationship. He gives financial support to his child, and goes out of his way to not make his ex-gf get mad at him. So, if she asks for extra, he gives in.

On the other hand, since I am also working, I’m the one paying for most of the household bills. Occasionally he will give me money, but nothing consistent.

I love him but I don’t feel he is willing to work for us to have something better. He won’t work overtime or get a second job to be able to pay for our expenses. He also doesn’t help in the household chores. Am I too late to change him? If not, what do I do to change the situation?

Pilarsky

Dear Pilarsky,
While financial problems can be fixed, character flaws aren’t so easy. Sit down with your man and go over your budget line by line, down to the last centavo. It’s important for couples to be clear about who is responsible for certain bills. And if the numbers don’t balance out, that’ll be the perfect time to stress that he needs to work more hours to get things done.

If problems continue after the money talk’s been had, you’ve got some compatibility issues to think about. People don’t really change much over the years, and nobody likes to be pushed around. Figure out the budget, and if things are still bad, do some soul-searching.

Just know that if you stay with him, you’ll keep being the “mother” in the relationship. It’s whether you can laugh off his laziness and keep on loving him.

Affectionately,
Manay Gina

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“If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” — Mary Engelbreit

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